The Hard Sayings: Matthew 10:37

Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

This article is part of a series explaining the sayings of Jesus that are hard to understand. To see a list of these verses, go to this page.

As we explain in the article on this verse at Christswords.com, Matthew 10:37 has a very different meaning in the original Greek. It was spoken toward the end of the second large grouping of Jesus’s lessons in Matthew, the section called the Sending of the Apostles. This verse illustrates the problem with translating two different Greek verbs as “love.” Most of the confusion that people feel when reading this verse is because they have the wrong idea about what Jesus meant here by “love.” However, there are also problems caused by the misleading ways that other words are translated in it as well.

Below is a modern Biblical translation of Jesus’s Greek words:

NIV:  Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

The problematic words in boldface are discussed in this article.

The difficulty that many of us have with this verse is the idea of loving Jesus more than our immediate family members. Don’t we sometimes feel much more caring toward our family than we do Jesus? Especially when they need us? How about new mothers when their baby is crying? How many of us can say honestly that this describes an emotion that we really feel except now and then?

Why would Jesus set this as a standard? This verse makes it seem as if very few of us are truly “worthy” of Jesus much of the time.

It is a good thing that Jesus never really said anything like this. Jesus wouldn’t ask us to do the impossible or to lie about it.

Love and Obligation

There are two Greek verbs that are translated as “love” in the New Testament, and Jesus used them to express two different human relationships. Calling them both “love” confuses what Jesus taught. See this article on the Greek words involved.

The word Jesus usually used to refer to the caring relationships among family members is agapao. This word refers to both the feeling of affection and to the sense of obligation that we have toward our family members. And this same word for “caring” is what Jesus uses for verses about “loving” God with our whole heart (Matthew 22:37), “loving” our enemies (Matthew 5:44 ), and “loving” one another (John 13:34 ). Agapao is the most common verb translated as “love.” Jesus’s words would be much clearer if it was the only verb translated that way.

Preference

Matthew 10:37 refers to family members but it avoids using agapao. This was intentional and calls attention to the word Jesus uses, phileo. This verb describes what is better translated as “liking,” “preferring,” or “enjoying someone’s company.” It is from the same root as the noun meaning “friend.” It was more broad, including the relationships of work partners and associates with whom we are compatible. It is most often used for liking things. In referring to people, it can refer to liking their personalities, their priorities, or their ideas.

Where agapao is an obligation, this phileo is a choice. Phileo “likings” wax and wane. At times, we may not like our parents or children at all. The teenage years come to mind. The verb “prefer” might work better because of these shifts in preference over time. What we prefer when we are hungry is not what we prefer when we are sleepy. This feeling shifts with the moment. Something that Jesus understood. In talking to his apostles, he specifically meant what they were feeling at that moment.

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